2. Be a Good Finder
One of the most valuable attribute that I have found in successful people is that they are good finders. They will find something good in anybody.
Every person born on this earth has something in them that is good and something not so good. We like a person or dislike him for the side that we have experienced. Somebody's greatest friend is someone else's arch enemy. No one can be totally good or totally bad.
What we usually do is focus on the negative sides of people. We condemn, criticize and complaint. Even we do it with people who are closest to us. We will spend a lifetime trying to change our parents, our spouse, and our friends. We often get depressed because of the bad things in their character. But it will be so much easier and better if we just focus on the good things they have. If ever you have to confront the unlikable side of these people, immediately remind yourself that why you like them or love them. And then you see how much positive you will feel.
People respond to the expectations. There was an experiment, in which three set of students were used. The teachers were told that the first set consisted of brilliant students, the second mediocre and the third below average. And guess what happened? In the end the first set of students performed brilliantly well, the second were average, and the third's performance was poor.
The best part in the experiment was that though teachers were given some notions about these three different sets of students, they were students of same IQ. The difference was in the way their teacher looked at them, and expected from them, and they responded to the expectations.
One person, who is ineffective with one particular boss, suddenly becomes a super performer with other one and vise-versa. The difference is how different bosses look at this particular person.
If you wish to develop a good positive attitude about people, and want to influence them positively be a Good Finder.
3. Change the way you react to situations
Situations at times are very challenging. They can even be oppressing. Things will often not go as we want them to go. There will be circumstances that we can not control. But what we can control is our reaction to these circumstances.
No problems; only challenges
The first thing that we need to change is our vocabulary. There are no problems, only challenges. The greatest benefit of this simple change is that once a problem become a challenge your attitude towards the same circumstance changes. It is the human nature that we try to avoid problems but accept challenges. So, if there are no problems, and only challenges, you will use your ability to confront it and solve it.
There are no hopeless situations
Secondly keep one important fact in mind that it is we, who loose our hope in the face of difficult situations. But in reality, there are a very few situations that are in fact hopeless. So, keep hope that the circumstances and situations however grim they may look can be changed.
The answer to a problem is outside it
During my seminars I draw a black dot on a white board and ask the participants what they see. Almost everyone says that they see a black dot. It is only when I draw their attention that they can see the white board, the wall, the clock hanging on wall. Because, I have drawn a dot they see the dot. This is exactly the way we see our problems. We focus on the problems rather than on the answers that lies outside the problem. So take your focus away from the problem and start thinking of the possibilities.
Be thankful for the challenge
Thank God that you have challenges. Show me a person who does not have challenges, and I will show you a dead man. Challenges are good for us, as each one of them strengthens our shoulders for bigger responsibilities that are brought by greater blessings. We grow the most when we are down rather than when we are up. It is during the difficult circumstances that we stretch our abilities and grow towards our potential. After all we are successful only when we are overcoming challenges and growing towards our potential. So thank God for challenges that you have because it means that you are about to be blessed with bigger things in life.
Schedule your down time
This is again a magic formula from great Zig Ziglar. There will be circumstances that will really pull you down. You will feel negative, hopeless, and down. And believe me; you have every right to feel like that once in a while. It is a luxury that you are entitled to. As a human being you are not expected to be positive all the time.
But then there has to be a time when you have to pull yourself up and face the situation. So decide on the time till when you will be down. It could be a few hours, a few days or weeks. It depends on the magnitude of the situation and the time that you want to give yourself. You must set the precise date and the time when you are going to stop feeling down and get up. You will see that more number of times you will get positive again and start facing the situation head on much before your scheduled time. I don't know how it works, but it does and is worth it.